I hop on the treadmill and let the music in my headphones consume me. My mind relaxes and entertains silly thoughts as I hammer out a few miles. I picture myself playing drums on stage. I see my writing being published in magazines, and I see a successful blog where I share my passions about trying to live a healthy and green life. I turn up the music louder and let the scenes dance across my head. “I can do it! I can make these things happen,” I tell myself.
But then one of my kids comes crying to me interrupting my workout and reality quickly sets in. My next thought, “I don’t have time for these things. I’m too old to play drums, and I can’t read music. My writing would never be good enough to be published. No one wants to hear my thoughts on a “cleaner” lifestyle.” The excuses outweigh the dreams and I let the thoughts fizzle away.
I’ve repeated this cycle for years. I always find excuses why I can’t do something. When in actuality, it’s because I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of what other people will think of my writing, my opinions and my insane idea of playing drums. All because of fear and failure.
I turned 39 last month. I’m still living out my dreams on the treadmill. I’m in a comfortable place in life, but I want more. I really do, so it’s time to get uncomfortable and aim for those goals. I’m a bit frightened and I’m sure I’ll fail on at least one of my goals, but the difference is I’ll try until I succeed.
I’m making changes and trying to not give a sh*t what other people think. I’m planning blog posts and not worrying that my photography isn’t perfect or my writing isn’t well-polished. I want to be authentic and share my interests and passions with people. I want to achieve my goals and live my life to the fullest, even if that involves being uncomfortable and learning to push myself. Welcome to the reboot of The Finn and I (aka: my mid-life crisis came early.)